I remember it all... very well. (Cringe!) It was 1992. I was in 7th grade, a bit chubby, and although I got by on my sense of humor and impersonations of Bart Simpson and Pee Wee Herman, middle school was icky. My parents had switched me to a different school the year before because they were hoping for a better music program. It didn't end up being different at all, so I decided to go back to the old familiar school.
The style was very "Saved By the Bell" at the time and I vividly recall going in one day with my high tops, jeans and a brand new pink t-shirt (tied in a knot at the bottom.) The t-shirt was the ever popular (at the time) GUESS Jeans brand. Yep. It said GUESS in big ol' letters across the front. I remember going in to sit down at my desk, and beside me there was a guy that definitely always looked older than everyone else. Maybe he had been in seventh grade several times? Anyway, when the teacher stepped out for a moment, he tapped me on the arm and said "200?" I said "huh?" and he said "Your shirt says GUESS."
I was devastated. I mean, I was always taller than most and I was kind chubby, but nothing crazy out of the ordinary. Apparently, I was to him. Little did I know this would stick with me my ENTIRE life. It is one of several, similar things throughout school days that I upset me over and over and over. Yes. I know we should move on from school days, let it go, etc. Even so, it felt traumatizing. It shaped the way I thought and felt about myself for the rest of my life. I am still trying to get out of that way of thinking, at 44! Do any of you reading this "relive" moments like this? Memories like these, unfortunately, are my most prominent school memories. UGH.
KJ gets it. I think she can help turn me around. I am praying one day to be rid of these feelings, to get past them, to not let them define me. Although I know it is difficult, I am working on it. Hopefully all of us that have been hit by these painful (however small they may seem to others) experiences and struggle with leaving them behind, can learn how to think beyond them.
Until next time,
Bethany
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| Me before all the insecurities! |
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